So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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