He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
