Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
