Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
