Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
