Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
