weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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