First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
this is an emotional support booty call
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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