Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
