i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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