Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
