You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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