I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
