puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
