she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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