Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
