Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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