Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i believe in u and ur pee
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
