Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
