there was a trapeze. enough said
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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