I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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