wrigley field is MILF paradise
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
