for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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