chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
