you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
