You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's JV to your varsity
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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