Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
