We won't sleep together?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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