Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
