apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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