Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
