You can't special order awesome
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
