Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
