i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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