We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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