Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
