Don't make out with my wife yet
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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