If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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