glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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