My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
