i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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