I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
