I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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