it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
