I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
