I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
