I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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