I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
