roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So squirting runs in the family.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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