And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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