Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
