guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Rumble strips road head = magical
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
