Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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