I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
