Swine flu. Run for my life!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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