Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
