Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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