I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
