yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
