you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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