Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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