youre lurking in front of me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
