Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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