AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
