I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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