In America we eat man semen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
