over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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