Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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