You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
