i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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