there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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