CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
